


Reality Of A Dream

by Killjoy013



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Dom/sub Undertones, F/F, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, My First Smut, Rules, Shameless Smut, Sibling Love, Wet Dream, baby gays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-06-26 10:58:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19766779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killjoy013/pseuds/Killjoy013
Summary: Jules comes to the sudden realization about her feelings with Rue unexpectedly in her dreams.Rue had been trying to escape her dreams ever since she got sober for Jules but even her reality is fucked up.Is the Reality of a Dream too much for Jules and Rue?Smut, Angst, Slight Fluff.





	1. Jules' Dream

**Author's Note:**

> so, uh, yeah. I made this on a whim. This is my first smut fic so let me know if it's gross or something.

**Jules' Dream**

_Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap_  
  
_Sweet disposition_  
_Never too soon_  
_Oh, reckless abandon_  
_Like no one's watching_ you

* * *

  
  
There was a lot of things that made Jules realize she liked Rue as more than a friend.  
  
The fact that she didn't want Rue to waste away as her mom did. Or that Jules had gotten so close to her so quickly. The way Rue would drop anything to be with Jules. How she always knew what to say and do to calm her down.  
  
There was a lot of things building up.  
  
But the tipping point?  
  
Had nothing to do with Rue actually doing anything.  
  
At least in the _real_ world.  
  
It was a wet dream.  
  
But not exactly.  
  
It wasn't like all the other horny ass scenes her brain thought of at night.  
  
Jules had a handful of them over time but she hated waking up to it. It left unsatisfied, sweaty and just fucking gross.  
  
It was always with guys. Guys her age and older. White, Cis, straight. Hot and heavy fucking where Jules had actually came _before_ them instead of after in the bathroom or back at home.  
  
No, Rue's was different.  
  
But let's set the scene first.  
  
Jules just hugged the other girl goodbye and watched her leave through the window.  
  
Rue had smiled as she got on her bike. Jules blew a kiss goodnight making Rue beam and place it on her cheek before returning one.  
  
Her phone kept buzzing.  
  
Tyler had been begging her for nudes. 'It was only fair lol. I sent you one first.'  
  
Jules had made up some shit about her house being full so she couldn't right now.  
  
Rue didn't like Tyler. She hated him in fact. Jules could tell. Rue had stopped talking whenever she would text him during lunch or when they were hanging out. Jules had caught a glimpse of Rue's face when she thought Jules wasn't looking.  
  
Rue's full lips were pulled back into a sneer and her deep brown eyes were narrowed. It was the cutest angry face she had ever seen.  
  
Rue was just not used to sharing her, Jules had thought. But there was a hint of something else in her eyes that Jules couldn't quite read yet. Another layer.  
  
She had mulled over it as Rue came into her room and all the way until she left.  
  
Jules huffed and fell back on the bed. She could hear Rue lightly scolding her for keeping her makeup on instead taking it off at night like she was supposed to.  
  
Jules chuckled at the image of a tiny Rue sitting on her shoulder.  
  
Her guardian recovering addict.  
  
How sweet.  
  
Jules slowly sunk into her thoughts deeper and deeper until she was claimed by sleep.  
  
Jules' dreams almost always had a different colored haze to them. Nightmares were red. Wet dreams were purple. Regular ones were pink.  
  
This dream has no haze.  
  
In fact, It was crystal clear.  
  
And it was slightly lucid. Not enough to wake up or change it but enough to make her aware. Like she was watching a movie with her as the main character while being in the movie.  
  
Jules was lounging on a bed. It was big and spacious. Bigger than a king. The sheets were soft blue. There was moonlight pouring in from the skylight above.  
  
It wasn't Rue's room or Jules.  
  
It was an _apartment._  
  
_Their_ apartment.  
  
Rue had left from the bathroom, in an oversized shirt with a smile  
  
Her long tan legs were coming towards her and were all Jules could focus on.  
  
Rue moved her shirt from her thighs and Jules caught a glimpse of something that made her breath hitch.

Holy shit.  
  
"Baby. You want something?" Jules had purred as she pulled Rue into her lap like they had done this a million times before.  
  
"Please..." Rue whimpered, straddling Jules making her painfully aware that Rue was only wearing the shirt.

Just the shirt.

Rue hitched her shirt up to expose her soft stomach and-

And she was _wet._

With her legs spread and in this position, Jules could see her sex. The sight of it made her groan Rue's name who onely whimpered in response.  
  
_Like soaking_ wet.  
  
She could see it from here.  
  
Jules looked up at Rue and chuckled, "This for me?"  
  
Rue nods eagerly, _"Please_ touch me."  
  
Dream Jules just had to. She licked her lips and let her hand trail up the lean thigh. She smiled at the dark patch of hair above her sex her fingers met. Rue impatiently bucked her hips and got a thigh squeeze in return. Jules lightly traced her slit before slowly pushing into the slick folds.  
  
Rue's mouth fell open in a soundless moan.  
  
_Fuck,_ Rue felt as wet as she looked. She was warm, wet and tight. Jules groans, "Such a good girl. For me. You want it?"  
  
Rue whines softly and rocks her hips, "Yes...babe, please don't tease this time."  
  
This time?  
  
"But it's so fun." Jules muses adding a second digit. Her lover sighed and let her head fall back.  
  
Rue's lips were swollen from her biting on it and parted soft noises escaping her mouth. Rue was warm to the touch. She looked-  
  
Rue looked gorgeous.

The light hitting her brown skin just right. Her curly hair falling down her shoulders in waves. Her eyelids were hooded, long lashes on display. A jolt of desire ran through her spine striaght to her core.  
  
Is _this_ how men felt looking at Jules?  
  
No, it was different. Jules was looked at like a new toy or a piece of meat meant to be consumed, ruined and left. Jules would never do that to Rue. Her heart and brain wouldn't let her.  
  
Rue was special.  
  
She never met anyone like her.  
  
One of Rue's arms was around her, cling to her and the other gripping her right wrist like Jules is prone to pulling her fingers away and leaving Rue hot and bothered.  
  
"M-move." Was whimpered out, Rue's voice soft.  
  
"Let go of my wrist, darling."  
  
"I can't trust you. You're such a tease." Rue huffed but there was a faint smile on her lips.  
  
"Let go and I'll make it up to you. Promise." Jules hums.  
  
Rue did as she was told, (Since when?) and slowly released her grip on Jules's arm.  
  
"Good girl," Jules whispered somehow knowing it would send a shiver up her spine.  
  
It sent one up hers too.  
  
Rue clung to Jules, her arms around her neck as Jules pushed in knuckle deep.  
  
She curled her fingers and Rue arched her back and keened loudly.  
  
Jules chuckled as she pumped her fingers, "I got you, baby."  
  
"Jules."  
  
"I know, you feel so good with my fingers on that spot right here."  
  
Jules' other hand crept under the shirt and squeezed her chest. She pinched her nipple and got a cry and a plea in response.  
  
"Please, babe!"  
  
"Please what?"  
  
"Clit," Rue mumbled as she ground her hips down. Her eyes were shut tightly and she was starting to pant and twitch with every thrust.  
  
Rue was beautiful.

Sweat clung to her skin. Short nails digging into Jules' shoulders. Hair falling in front of her face. Jules let her hand trail down and found the swollen sensitive bud. She thumbed it gently and Rue arched into the touch.  
  
"Such a pretty pussy. Such a pretty girl." Jules smiled as her lips kissed up her neck.  
  
"Jules, please, I want it. I'm getting close..."  
  
"Ride my fingers, baby girl."  
  
Rue whimpers, starting to meet her thrusts.  
  
"Good girl."  
  
Jules felt the rush of being in control. She never had it. Not when her mom was fading away or when she and her dad moved. It made her feel powerful and somehow still vulnerable. Well, she always was with Rue.  
  
Rue.  
  
God, she looked a mess. Panting and whimpering and pleading to come as she rolled and rocked her hips hard. One of her hands were tangled in Jules's pink hair tugging whenever Jules would hit that spot in her that drove her crazy.  
  
"Please!" Rue cried out as Jules beamed.  
  
"Say my name when I make you come."  
  
Rue nodded desperately as Jules began to nip at the canvass of tan skin in front of her. All hers for the taking.  
  
"You're mine, Rue. No one else's." Jules growled.  
  
"Yours." Rue mewls, too lost in the pleasure to even string a sentence together. Her bottom lip was quivering in sync with her legs. Jules chuckled and rubbed her clit faster and fucked her deeper, hitting her g-spot with every curl and thrust.  
  
Rue began whispering Jules' name over and over like a prayer, getting louder and louder.  
  
She was just on the brink when Jules said, "I love you."  
  
That sent her over the edge.  
  
Rue came hard, with a loud gasp and long moan, her legs shaking and scratching down Jules' back leaving the skin raised and reddened. Her back was arched beautifully as the aftershocks hit her while Jules kept fucking her through it all.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes...love you too…" Rue mumbled as she began to come down. She slumped against Jules, spent and sated.  
  
Jules woke up gasping, horny, and sweaty as all hell with best friend's name on her lips.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
Jules quickly rolled over and ground against her hand, the dream burned in her mind.  
  
"Rue _...Rue_...Rue...I'm _close,_ baby girl. So close. I'm gonna _cum….f-fuck."_ Jules babbled rolling her hips as she kept the image of Rue riding her fingers and moaning her name. Her hips stuttered halfway through the motion and Jules came loudly, grateful her dad was out of town for the next few days. Her orgasm hit her like a tidal wave. She clawed at the sheets with her other hand as Rue's name fell from her lips.  
  
She panted against her pillow and then sighed deeply.  
  
Jesus.  
  
Okay.  
  
Okay, _maybe_ she did have a crush on Rue.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
There was ping from her phone that made her jump.  
  
It was from Tyler.  
  
Horny and eager and with a dick pic.  
  
Jules' didn't feel the rush of butterflies anymore and just stared at the picture blankly.  
  
She looked at her phone and then at the spot when she had gripped the sheets. She exited the app.  
  
She turned off the notifications and texted Rue.  
  
'need to talk to you.'  
  
And then Jules changed Rue's name to Baby Girl.  
  
She smiled.

* * *

A _kiss,_ a _cry, our rights, our wrongs_  
_A moment,_ a _love,_ a _dream aloud_  
_A moment,_ a _love,_ a _dream aloud_


	2. Rue: Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rue's Reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. Made another chapter. I noticed Rue's favorite swear was fucking, so I took some liberties.

**_Rue's_ Reality**

_Songs of desperation_  
_I played them for you_

* * *

Rue woke up and bolted upright like she had been shocked. Her frazzled hair was in her face. Her eyes were somehow dazed and wildly alert as they glanced around seemingly looking for someone. She was clutching a pillow like it was Ju- _a person_. Sweat made her sleep clothes cling to her like a second skin.It made the teen feel gross.

The covers put up a fight but she untangled herself quietly. It had to have been at least two in the fucking morning but Rue didn't care.

She had to escape her dreams and this fucking room.

Rue grabbed her keys, her phone and snatched twenty bucks before silently closing the back. She picked up her backpack from the shed. She paused before deciding to shove her lock and chain in it as well as her charger.

Rue grabbed her bike and just sped off.

The pedaling was frantic.

Rue tried not to think. She focused on the way the chain on her bike sounded as it ran smoothly through the gears. The sound of rubber tires on asphalt. The feeling of running away and not once looking back. She felt less disgusting with the cool air hitting her.

That was the reason behind the whole drug addiction thing she had.

But she promised Jules.

Fuck.

Fuck!

She was such a loser.

Rue made a sharp left, gaining speed as she let the hill drive her momentum.

An intrusive thought of a car hitting her got her mind off the anger but made her spiral down into her frequent thought of how would miss her if she died and stayed dead.

She started to run from that thought too.

Rue pedaled faster and faster and faster until she couldn't recognize the houses.

She could really use something right now.

She would settle for a fucking Miller right now.

A beer.

She was _that_ desperate. To stoop to the level of rednecks and people who liked to sit on their porch and watch the fucking game.

Pathetic.

Rue gripped the handles, grumbling as she took a slope.

She was glad for her ten-speed.

 _Why_ was she running, you ask?

Jules made her hate her bed was the real answer.

But it wasn't her fault so she couldn't exactly blame the girl.

It was Rue's.

It _always_ was.

But if you asked Rue, she would shrug and say something along the lines of-

"You know, the usual bullshit."

She would lie to your face.

This wasn't the usual bullshit.

Jules wasn't usual or bullshit.

She was far from it. That was the problem. If Jules was someone like BB or Maddy, Rue wouldn't be in this position right now. She would be high as a damn kite and fight heaven and hell to stay there.

Jules was the problem. But she wasn't a problem. She was the opposite. Rue had almost started watching fucking Anime because Jules asked her to.

_Anime._

Rue didn't even watch TV anymore. Now she was asking Gia for her Netflix password.

All because she-

Because she had a-

All because of bullshit.

That was what Rue was calling it. The _C-word_ was forbidden to her.

Crush. She cringed at the word.

Even though she had the _C-word_ on Jules every since the first they talked. Then it evolved. Shifted. To the F word.

_Feelings._

Rue never had that before.

The closest thing was the slight obsession she had with Cassie when they were like 5 and that didn't count.

Nothing could compare to Jules.

Not even drugs.

And that terrified Rue more than Mouse did.

Well, almost.

Mouse was still pretty fucking shit-your-pants scary.

But Jules.

She just...awakened _something_ in her. Rue had been fighting to be numb ever since she was 13. And one girl, dressed in fucking glitter and pink who managed to out-crazy Nate Jacobs the first night, made her feel something.

 _Really_ feel something.

Something she had never really truly felt before. Rue just pushed it down. That's what she always did. It worked. It worked so well that when Jules had touched her, it was a simple act of her moving Rue's hair from her face and a smile that followed, it felt like she was drowning.

It was unbelievable.

It was a high without any withdrawals, without any side effects.

It made her do stupid things. Like, be sober for weeks for an example. Or watch anime, at least try but Rue just ending up Wiki-ing the shit.

It was the best high of her life. It had only one consequence.

You see, Rue was fucking _broken._ So fucking broken. Yeah, she _could_ tell Jules she was into her like that. But it would be the worst decision ever. It would be like going to rehab and you got dropped off by your drug dealer. Like if Fez had just dropped her off at a clinic.

_Ha._

Because Jules would never like her _back._ Jules would always be desired. Wanted. By that fuckboy, Tyler, and every other guy with fucking eyes. Rue didn't want her like they did. They leered and preyed on her like she was something for taking. Jules wasn't meant to be claimed _or_ owned. Not meant to be molded into whatever thing they wanted to fuck that night.

Rue fucking _hated_ it, She hated all the Tylers in the world. Cute and sweet until they got what they wanted and left you in the fucking dirt. She knew Jules never thought about it like she did. Jules only saw it as a _something_ for both of them. It was all built on flimsy desire and lust. Jules was risking it all for some dude's erection.

Rue never liked sex. The thought of a horny teenage boy ramming their meat stick into her vagina until _he_ came made her shudder. But the thought of it happening to Jules made her fucking blood boil. It made her mad. The mere thought that a Tyler could hurt Jules, maybe even wanted to hurt her made it all the more difficult to let her go on those meet-ups.

It wasn't just jealousy. It was Rue not wanting Jules to be treated like a fucktoy and left. Maybe that's why she was so soft and careful with Jules all the time. It seemed like the world was never that with Jules and it was a damn shame.

She couldn't stop the meet-ups from happening but she was sure as hell was there for the morning after. She would help Jules cover the bruises and hickeys while she hid her feelings for her best friend.

She couldn't understand _why_ Jules did it. Jules liked sex. What teenager didn't, right?

Rue didn't.

Rue was just there. She didn't actively seek out any connection like that and no one ever did the same to her.

That being said, it wasn't like she didn't have sex before. No, she had but it was terrible. After that, she had locked her desire for things like that and thrown it in a lake. Jules was the first person that made her want to _do...things_ in a long time. Jules hadn't broken down her walls but was being allowed through ever door. Rue couldn't stop the blonde even if she tried.

Rue took a left to the main road and pulled into a Sonic lot.

Sugar was the nearest thing to drugs she could have right now. She locked up her bike without thinking and walked through the door.

"Hello, Welcome to Sonic, how may I help you?"

"What is the biggest cup you have?"

"The Large. It's about the size of a Big Gulp-"

"I want a large shake."

"Which one?"

 _"Any_ one. I don't care as long as it's not fucking strawberry or banana. I want it to clog it up my arteries. Extra whip and 3 cherries."

"Oh _-ookay."_

"And four corndogs."

"Okay, that will be-"

Rue slide the crumpled twenty across the counter.

The cashier blinked before giving her change.

"Would you like a receipt?"

"No....thanks."

The cashier just nodded and made the order glancing at Rue out the corner of his eye.

She watched him just massacre the yellow shake with whipped cream and then promptly shove the cherries in.

He grabbed a bag and her shake, "It's Oreo Cake Batter. I only charged you for a small because you look like-"

"-Like I'm going through some shit? Yeah. Thanks. I hope your night isn't as shitty as my mood right now."

"Thanks. I hope...you have a better day, Rue."

She narrowed her eyes. Of _course,_ he knew. Who didn't?

She glances at his nametag. Ethan. She didn't even know a fucking Ethan.

"You too, Ethan." She deadpans and he nods slowly before adding, "Any time you wanna talk or just get a shake, I'm here. I'll give you an employee discount."

"Is it a pity shake?"

"No! I just-"

"You're just a nice human being. Huh. It probably won't stay that way." She says, punctuating the end of her statement with a slurp. Damn, this was a good shake.

"Okay? Night."

"Later, E."

She shoved her bag in her backpack and started the way back.

Not home.

Not yet.

It took her an hour to get in her neighborhood. There was a stitch in her rib that was growing and she was panting.

She sat at the park, under the slide and ate her corndogs in silence.

God, she was a fucking mess. Thoughts began to seep back into her mind.

Her dreams were always mostly forgotten after the first hour of waking up.

Mostly.

The past few weeks, Rue could remember her dreams.

And she hated it.

Her dreams were so fucking childish and naive.

She had-and there were so stupid-dreams about Jules.

Straight, beautiful Jules falling for her. Kissing her. Being with her. Loving her. Dates. Rue almost could laugh it didn't fill her heart with this pit of longing.

Because, as naive it was, Rue still wanted it. God, she wanted it _so bad._ She wanted Jules and Jules wanted Tyler.

Rue was a fucking loser.

And she lost Jules to a dude that showed his dick and abs more than his fucking _face._ She had lost her best friend to a Grindr account.

Rue laughed aloud. She laughed, louder and louder until it broke off into a heavy sob.  
  
She pulled her legs to her chest, resting her head on her knee, and cried.

She cried under the slide of a fucking playground at 3 in the fucking morning and clutching a _pity_ shake.

Pathetic.

Then her phone pinged.

It was Jules. She clicked the notification without thinking and her heart sunk to fucking Pluto.

'need to talk to you'

Read at 3:27.

Jules could see she was up and read her message.

Fuck.

Rue tried to laugh again but she just burst into tears.

* * *

_A dream aloud_

_A kiss, a cry_


	3. Jules's Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jules has her heart set on Rue but the girl seems nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! hope you like this chapter.

**Jules' Reality**

_Runaway By Kanye West_

_And I always find, yeah I always find somethin' wrong_   
_You been puttin' up wit' my shit just way too long_

* * *

Jules huffed and checked her messages again as she waited for Rue.

A sight of the girl.

Any sight of _her_ girl.

So far? No dice.

It had been two days since she last saw Rue which was two days too long in her opinion.

She had seen her text right after she sent it and not responded. Granted, it was late and it was cryptic but Rue has never not responded to her texts. That was weird. Really weird. Jules figured that she was waiting for an explanation but Jules couldn't confess over text. She refuses to.

So she texted her again and again.

Nothing.

All of them notably not-read but sent.

Jules sighed and went in. Maybe Rue skipped. Or broke her phone.  
If something was bad, Fez would have said something.

Maybe...

Maybe, Rue _was_ ignoring her? But she didn't do anything, right?

Jules groans as she searches the school grounds, debating to call but it was almost time for school to start. She mumbled under her breath as she found Kat.

"You seen Rue?"

"Funny you say this, Ethan told me she came at his job on his midnight shift."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, ordered a fuckton of corndogs and a shake. She looked like something was on her mind before she took off."

"Wait...when?"

"I dunno, three I think?"

"3:30ish? 3:27, to be precise?" Jules pressed on and Kat shrugged, "Ask him. We have the same lunch."

Jules couldn't wait for lunch. She needed to find Rue and tell her, confess, pour her heart out and hope to god Rue would be okay with it. Tyler had left the forefront of her mind ever since.

Jules could never like Tyler publicly out and proud. She was so caught in the haze of finally finding the perfect boy that she blocked everything else, including the logistics of that, out. Kind, sweet, caring but painfully straight and cis, jock, and his conservative parents and seemed so far away.

On one side of the universe was Jules. The other side was Tyler. And in the middle was Rue.

Rue, Rue was different.

Beautiful, concerned, clever messy Rue was very different.

A smile grew on her face at the thought.

She never stopped helping Jules. Not even Jules told her to stay clean. Not even when Rue would get jittery from the withdrawal. Jules had felt like the half the war was won.

Now, she just had to chase Rue down and explain. Convince her to let Jules take her on a date and then Jules could charm the fuck out of Rue. Sweep her off her feet like Rue had done without trying to.

At times like these, she was glad she was tall. She could peer over the heads for a head of slightly frazzled hair and a pair of biker shorts. She squinted and beamed as she finally saw Rue.

"Rue!"

Rue was speedwalking through the crowd and then pointed at one person almost frantically.

Ethan.

_Ethan?_

His eyes were wide and he pointed at himself as he was as surprised at Rue was talking to him as Jules was. Rue strumbled in her haste and fell into his arms, sending sparks of jealousy in Jules' gut. That feeling pulled her through the crowd occasionally bumping shoulders with someone as she got closer.

She couldn't see Rue's face or hear her but Ethan was a bit panicked and tried to look up until Rue shook her head.

"But I thought you two-"

"Don't talk so loud!"

_"Okay?!"_

Rue suddenly stood up straight and motioned widely.

He glanced up and then nodded. Rue patted his shoulder once and left just as Jules was getting within a good touching distance.

Jules huffed and looked up at Ethan, "What did she talk about?"

"You. As Always."

Jules huffed and then asked, "Then why did she leave? Why is she...."

Ethan merely shrugged and waved softly at Kat. Kat's lips lifted into a soft smile as he leaned in to lay his head on her shoulder. Jules rolled her eyes and began to tail Rue, locking in on the familiar shade of maroon. She bumped into Cassie and tossed and apology over her shoulder.

She caught a peek of the curly head of brown hair going into the cafeteria. Jules started to run, _damn it Rue let me confess to you_ , and threw open the doors to-

To a sea full of people.

None of them the one she wanted.

Jules sighed deeply and tried to push down the pang in her chest just as the bell rung. She briefly but heavily debated skipping class before she thought better of it. She was running out of sick days.

So Jules spent most of the day ignoring more of Tyler's messages and daydreaming about Rue. The way her dark brown eyes would light up. How quickly Rue melts in her embrace like she doesn't allow her to really relax in someone's presence.

Would her lips be as sweet as they looked? Would she run her hands through Jules' hair? Wrap her arms around her waist? Cup her face? If Jules kissed her hard enough, would she get her makeup on Rue's face? The thoughts kept her warm and light despite Rue disappearing on her. It made geometry tolerable so that was a plus.

That's when her phone buzzed in her pocket. An unknown number.

'its Lexi, rue was hidin in the library and then went home. she was spazin bout u so this is ur heads up'

Jules bit her lip, wondering if this was the right timing to tell Rue about everything, before responding.

'thanks lex, ur a lifesaver xox'

'np! just take care of her ok?'

'I always do.'

Jules added Lexi in her contacts when a loud cough made her look up and made contact with Mister Levison. She locked her phone and handed to him. He nodded once.

"You'll get this at the end of class, Miss Vaughn. Maybe it will remind you that in my classroom, you must abide by my rules as I am-"

His words melded into the background as she doodled a familiar silhouette, the brown hair sticking out and biker shorts. Jules sighed, her foot tapping against the leg of the desk.

Lunch felt dull without Rue right next to her, without her dry comments on the people who passed by. She sat with Lexi and lack of a better word, pouted. Lexi shook her head as she smiled.

"How long did it take to figure it out?"

"I think I knew but I didn't...realize until now."

"What made you realize?"

Jules bit her lip as she blushed.

"Don't tell anyone?"

"I don't have anyone to tell."

"I, uh, I...had a dream. About Rue."

"What kind of dream?"

The pink in Jules' cheeks deepened and she looked down. Lexi leaned in, eager to know now.

"It was a wet dream." She mumbled.

Lexi blinked and then promptly erupted into laughter. Jules shushed her but that was useless.

"You had _sex_ with Rue in a dream?!"

"Shut up! Yes, I did."

"Are you going to tell her that?"

"Of course not. I'm not stupid."

Lexi made a face. Jules could see the gears turning in her head.

"Then what will you do?"

"I told you."

"No, you didn't. You just said you need to see her."

"I'll confess," Jules said boldly, puffing out her chest.

"Are you sure you should?"

"Why not?"

"Is Rue really in a good place for a relationship? Are _you?_ Didn't you say you were talking to someone?"

"That someone is nothing to me compared to Rue."

"You really mean that?"

"I thought you would get this."

Lexi looked up at her, her eyes dazed before they focused sharply on Jules, "I _do_ get this. I also get that Rue is in an unstable place right now and I keep wondering if adding your crush on her is going to help her in the long run. And to you. You just got here, Jules. There's still so much you don't know."

"I can dream, right? I have to dream. Rue's stronger than everyone thinks she is." Jules said her voice faltering.

"Even strong people break and those are the one that break the hardest," Lexi says, her gaze distant like she saw it before up close and personal. Lexi shook her head clear before she pushed forward.

"What she's going through....it's a lot. You could add to that without meaning to. She might relapse. Will you like her then?"

Jules was silent for a while as her heart sunk.

"I can dream, can I? Lexi, you make it sound like we're doomed to crash and burn."

"Odds are against you."

_"Fuck_ the odds. I want Rue. _All_ of her."

* * *

_I'm so gifted at findin' what I don't like the most_   
_So I think it's time for us to have a toast_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this, you totoally should commenet and leave kudos so I know what you like and don't like. Constuctive criticism and/or commentary is super helpful and appericated! Thanks for reading!
> 
> KJ


	4. Rue's Dream Pt.l

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rue finally let someone in her head about Jules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, yeah, hi! I update irregularly. So, if you want to stay updated, I would recommend subscribing so you know when I do post something. I hope you do like this chapter and have a good day/night/afternoon!
> 
> KJ

**Rue's Dream Pt.1**

_Saint-Tropez by Post Malone_

_I said, I'm sorry mama for my vices_

_She'll never understand what my life is_

* * *

Rue stumbled off her bike to into her yard. Her legs still burned and throbbed from how far she biked turning her walk into a limp as she tries to muffle her arrival. Gia had left the back door open for her after she left in a frenzy. Rue locked up her bike and the back door before she collapsed in her bed curling up in her maroon hoodie and letting the tears fall on her pillow.

It felt like the weight of everything just fell on her, drowning and suffocating her like she was sinking into the ground and couldn't claw her way out. The world seemed to be tinted blue, the brutal cold after the heat of the scorching desert.

There was a shuffling in the hallway and Rue painfully realized she was crying not so softly.

"Rue?"

_Fuck._

Gia, with her soft voice filtering through the door. It made her bury her face in his pillow. Her breath shuddered as she tries to calm down but the lump in her throat was fighting to fuck up her night and make this even more awkward.

"Rue, are you...are you _crying_?"

"Gia, please, don't-"

"Open the door."

Rue sighed and closed her eyes, asking for mercy to any god who might be out there. Gia merely shifted, "I'm not leaving 'til I see you." She murmured, her voice determined. There's a beat of silence, and a car goes by with the bass on 11 outside.

"It's unlocked." Rue whimpers and instantly hates herself for letting Gia see her like this until the though of _at least Rue's not nearly drowning in her own vomit_ pops in her head. It makes her feel guilty enough not to refuse Gia when she pulls the covers off her to lay next to her.

"Rue," Gia says her eyes searching for the answer to Rue's tears as if she knows how bad Rue feel right now.

Rue feels her gaze pierce whatever soul she has left.

"I'm sorry." is the first that comes out of the older sister's mouth. Gia smiles at that and moves Rue's hair from her face.

"I know. I'm sorry too."

There's that brief pause again as Gia and Rue work up the courage to speak first.

Gia beats her to it, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's..."

No. She really doesn't want to talk about Jules and the fact that she knows it's useless to even hope that her dreams will ever come true to her baby sister. It would be like explaining a slaughterhouse to Bambi.

"I'm not a baby anymore, Rue. Please talk to me. We never talk anymore. You just..leave and then I cover for you and then you come back to do it all again. I care about you. Do _you_ care about me?"

"I care about you. That's why I don't want you to see me like this not after..."

Silence dangles between them before Rue sighs and Gia pulls her closer.

"You shouldn't have seen that," Rue adds her voice wavering.

"No one should but I did. It happened. So, what, you treat me like I'm five 'cause of that?"

"No, I just-"

"Push me away?"

"I don't _mean_ to-"

"Yes, you do."

Rue sighed and said lightly, "When did you get so annoying? Okay, I don't o push you away and for a reason-"

 _"Stupid_ reason."

"...Okay fine, yes, a stupid reason. I felt like I could protect you from me by doing that but I was wrong, you're right. Okay?"

Gia searched her eyes to see if Rue was just saying what you want to hear, she was prone to doing that to their mom and teacher, and smiled when she found what she was looking for.

_Vulnerability. Truth._

"Will you tell me why were you crying?"

Rue took a deep breath. Maybe...maybe it was good to get this off her chest to something who would listen.

 _"I...Jules._ I'm in deep. I like her and I know I can never have her and it fucking hurts. I-i-I really like and care about her and would do anything for her and I know she can never know. She's real and that scares me. Jules is like my _best_ friend. The one person that likes me as a person is the one I manage to like. It's fucked. It's all fucked." She confessed her gaze concentrated on the pillow under Gia's head and not her sister's eyes

"Is that what this is about?" Gia said her voice gentle but with a different lilt. She was...amused?

Rue nodded and Gia held back a scoff.

"Jesus, Rue. If anybody like you and you like them _back,_ it would be fucking Jules. You told _Mom_ about her. You slept over her house the first night you met her and she _let_ you. She feels something for you, even if she doesn't know it or if it is platonic. Tell her!"

"Absolutely not. That is how you get me to have a breakdown in front of her. It's just a crush, right? Crushes go away. I had a crush on Cassie and Lexi in like third grade and I grew out of it, right?"

"Rue, that's the opposite of what I want you to do."

"But it'll be the safest thing. It won't ruin our friendship."

"But you could have a _relationship._ "

"It's not that easy, G."

Gia shook her head, "It could be."

The conversation dissolved into a somewhat comfortable silence and soon Gia was yawning and the exhaustion of the bike ride and crying got to Rue. The two girls ended up curling up in the same bed, Gia's arms wrapped around Rue and the cover over as they drifted off only to be found by their mother the next morning.

* * *

  
_Such a long time_  
_I've been waiting, I've been waiting for a long time_  
_Such a long time_  
_I've been waiting, I've been waiting for a long time_  
_Such a long time_


	5. Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jules finally finds Rue, just not in the way she wanted to. Oh, finally, some plot and canon divergence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back with another chapter. I would highly recommend subscribing to this work ( or any really) that is still being updated so you can know when the next chapter goes up!

**Circles By Post Malone**

_Maybe you don't understand what I'm going through_  
 _It's only me, what you got to lose?_  
Make up your mind _, tell me, what are you gonna do?_  
 _It's only me, let it go_

* * *

Jules huffs as the final bell rings out, people around her hauling backpacks over her shoulders and chatting excitedly. She walks up to the teacher's desk and gets her phone back without anything else said to but he casts a stern look in her direction. Jules scans the crowd for Ethan who's walking shoulder to shoulder with Kat.

"Kat!" Jules calls out struggling against the crowd. Kat stops and so does Ethan, as expected.

"Hey, you look shitty."

"Thanks, Kat. I wanted to talk to Ethan."

He looks up and shrugs half-heartedly, "Sure, whatever you need."

"What did Rue talk to you about?"

"You. She asked if you were following her and I said yes. I thought it was weird, that she was avoiding her girlfriend but she said please. Sorry."

That word, _girlfriend_ , sends a shock through her system. Ethan didn't know them very well but even he could tell that Jules's in deep for Rue. She needed to tell Rue. She shakes her head clear of those thoughts as she responds. 

"N-no, it's fine. Did she say why?"

"Something about dreams? I dunno, she talked too fast for me to catch any of it."

Jules pales. No, Rue didn't know about her dream, did she? She didn't tell anyone but Lexi-

Lexi. Lexi talked to Rue while she was hiding from her in the library. But wasn't that before she told Lexi in the first place? How would Rue know? She didn't...right? It had to be just a coincidence. Had to. Right?

"I mean, she is still here," Kat says casually as she hands Ethan a sucker who smiles boyishly and thanks her. 

_"What?"_

"Yeah, she's in the art room last period." 

Jules' eyes widen, "Gotta go!" 

"Go get the girl!" Kat smirks making Ethan frown.

"I thought they were already dating?"

"No. Jules and Rue have feelings for each other but they're both pussies about it."

"You _let_ me call Rue her girlfriend to her face!?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Kat!"

Kat rolls her eyes at Ethan's whine and cups his face, "You look so pathetic when you pout."

"Then it's working." Ethan grins leaning forward to peck her lips. Kat scoffs as she blushes. 

Jules stomps up the steps, deep in thought, and rounds the corner to the art room. It was the end of the hall. Then she's hearing Rue's sarcastic laugh. Jules can't help it as a smile that grows across her face. She goes to throw open the door when she sees something that made her stomach drop.

No, not something.

Someone.

 _Nate Jacobs._

Nate is towering over Rue, his body a little too close to Rue's for anyone's comfort, And his head is tilted down so that Rue can look him in the eye as he talks to him, his voice sickly sweet. A nauseous feeling of dizziness overtakes her. Jules presses her ear against the door. 

"I don't like you, Nate. I don't know what you want from me. Leave me alone."

"I just want to talk. Are you and Jules close?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? None of your business. What do you want with Jules? Last time you saw her, she nearly shanked you."

"I really need to see her. Like now."

"Well, I don't fucking know where she is."

Jules could practically see the smirk in his voice as he asks, "Had a falling out with her already? I'm surprised, you two seem attached to the hip."

"Fuck off, I'm not her keeper or her girlfriend. Speaking of, Where's yours, hmm? You two breaking up again so she can fuck someone else better until you buy her back?" 

Before the words Rue spat out fully register in Jules's mind, there's a loud thump. Jules looks up to see Rue pressed against the bookshelf of art supplies by Nate, his large arms caging her in. In Nate's forcefulness, a container of red paint splatters on the floor. Rue goes to look up at him, her mouth opens in fury and shock as she meets eyes with Jules. 

They share a second of a shared gaze before Rue glares up at Nate.

"I haven't seen her today. I've been avoiding her. Why do you want to know?"

"We need to talk."

"Fuck no."

Nate chuckles lightly, "As if you could stop me. You couldn't even kill yourself right."

Rue looks up at him in shock as the blood seems to drain from her face. The curly-haired girl looked sick. 

What? No, Rue just OD'ed.

Nate presses on. 

"You didn't think anyone would figure it out? You were partly right. Mostly everyone just thought your luck finally ran out and didn't give it a second thought. I did. It's unlikely for someone like you to just overdose like that. Statically, people OD when they quit and start again. You never quit before." 

" _Shut up_!" Rue snarls fighting against his grip but it was useless. Nate just grabs a fistful of that maroon hoodie and lifts her clean off the ground. 

Jules starts to yank the door open, to back her up, but Rue shakes her head. 

"If I remember correctly, wasn't it Summer when your dad died?"

"I said shut up! You don't know shit!"

"The twins were hanging with Gia that day, did you know that? She left early because she missed you. You thought you would be alone that day. Alone and dead."

Rue tries to blink back tears and she stubbornly kicks her feet at him and beats her fist against his chest to no avail. 

"What do you want from me? Take what you want from me and go." Rue chokes out as tears roll down her face. A part of Jules notices that Rue didn't deny his accusation anymore. 

"Where's Jules?"

"I don't know!"

Nate drops her and Rue crumples in on herself, sobbing audibly, paint getting on her knees and sleeves of the hoodie. Jules's frozen in shock and fear, a thousand thoughts swirling in her head as Nate starts to turn around to walk out. 

"Wait!" Rue cries out reaching out to him. To Jules' surprise, he does and turning back to look down at her. 

"Who have you told? Who knows? Tell me! Nate...please?" 

Nate kneels down and holds Rue's face in a manner that feels so familiar to Jules and makes her feel sick all over again. He smiles softly at the sight of a sniffling whimpering Rue, who subconsciously leans into the touch, begging to be answered. 

"No one knows, Rue. But I would hate for your sweet baby sister to find out. I can't imagine how she'll feel. If she'll ever be able to look you in the eye again and not think about you drowning in your vomit. I wouldn't. Especially at how...delicate she is at thirteen, it might ruin your whole relationship with her. And Leslie. Your poor mother. How would she deal?"

Rue looks past Nate to say, "Go away."

Jules stumbles back as quietly as she can and runs down the stairs right into Kat. 

"Woah, woah, Jules, what's wrong?"

Jules doesn't realize she's crying until Kat is wiping them away and Ethan roots around his backpack until he finds tissues. Kat dabs gently at her eyes, careful not to mess up her makeup or get any of it in her eyes. 

Jules tries over and over to explain, but she can't force her words away. Kat ushers her out of the school to Ethan's car. 

"Ethan, grab her bike."

"Need her keys."

Kat looked at Jules and asked softly, "Where are your keys, Jule?"

"In my-my backpack. First pocket." Jules forces out as she shakes. Kat turns her around gently and unzips her backpack. Ethan successfully unlocks her bike and puts it in the truck of his van. Kat pulls her in the backseat but Jules is miles away from her body.

Rue tried to kill herself only mere months before. 

And damn near did it, successfully alienating herself from everyone who would care in the process. And seemingly the only two people who know are Jules and Nate. 

One of which Rue is actively avoiding and yet protecting. Oh, and Nate Jacobs, who had almost assaulted her technically twice. 

¨Fuck..." Jules mumbles out loud, startling Kat and Ethan.

Lexi was right.

Odds are against her. 

* * *

* * *

_Run away, but we're running in circles_   
_Run away, run away_   
_I dare you to do something_   
_I'm waiting on you again, so I don't take the blame_   
_Run away, but we're running in circles_   
_Run away, run away, run away_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally feel like, as Rue said, she is an unreliable narrator and that Rue ODed on purpose.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, you totoally should commenet and leave kudos so I know what you like and don't like. Constuctive criticism and/or commentary is super helpful and appericated! Thanks for reading!
> 
> KJ


End file.
